I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
