I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
