Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
