there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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