she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
