In America we eat man semen.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
