Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
