He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
