My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
