Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
