do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
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