She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
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your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
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i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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