Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
