Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
