I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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