all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
