I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
