It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
