capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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