Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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