tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
and you fell through a lawn chair
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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