I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
