Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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