so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
