if only i could text you this smell
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
