Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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