That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Im part way to drunk.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
