Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
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it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
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Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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