The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My pussy is not your playground.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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