Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
