I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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