We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
