My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
