And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
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Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
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Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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