You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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