wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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