a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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