Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
