arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize