i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
