4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
