where am i from again
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
