Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
