took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
