Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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