I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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