Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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