I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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