Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
