I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
