i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
