all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize