You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
