She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
