why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize