you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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