did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
