im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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