I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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