I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
