dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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