jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize