Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
