man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
