You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
