woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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