i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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