i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
