Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
the condom got lost in my hair
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
