my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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