time to smoke my breakfast
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
