I got chris browned last night
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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