You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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