Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
